I'd Give Da Business To...

Last week I realized I have not been showing "dark butts" the love and adoration they deserve. When I mentioned this to Mr. D, I was shocked and RuPauled (yea, ya'll got me saying it too. damn you F.U. and F$%k It List!) because he pointed out that some of my favorite women are deliciously dark skinned. So, today here is my all chocolate rendition of I'd Give Da Business To. Enjoy, heffas.

Gabrielle Union

Oh my god. Her freaking dimples drive me INSANE. I love me the hell out of some Gabby. She is the bitch you love to hate, and I do love you boo boo. She is an official card carrying member of my wifey club.

Sanaa Latham

She is absolutely scrumptious. She hasn't quite graduated to wifey status, but she can still get da business.

Taye Diggs

I know I am not the only one who wanted to wipe Taye Diggs down during the pool scene in How Stella Got Her Groove Back. That water glistening on his gorgeous chocolate skin, and then he smiled, omg, I melted into my damn seat. You can definitely get the business.

Stacy Dash

This is one bad bitch. Her eyes, her voice, her body. Did you know she's over 40 with 3 kids? She puts these young bucks to shame. She is a REAL woman, and a certified member of my wifey club.


I vow to never again exclude the dark and lovelies from my list. Forgive me?

I'd Give Da Business To...

It is time for another round of which celeb couples I might give da business to. Enjoy, heffas.

Cassie and Diddy

I don't care that they're both in denial. For the purpose of this post, they are a couple. With that being said, Diddy, P Diddy (oh wait, that's me :) lol), Midget P, whateva his name is, hell to da no. I don't care if he thinks he can win an Olympic medal in sex, the midget gets no play from me. Cassie, on the other hand... I just have one question: Have you seen Cassie? She is one bad bitch, shut yo mouth, and she has just officially been inducted into my list of celeb girlfriends. Luv you, Cass, with your sexy ass. "I am addicted to you, my addiction."

Eva and Lance

Despite some recent pics of Eva looking like she has the body of a malnourished 10-year-old boy, Eva is still sexy as hell, especially when she eats like she's supposed to. Her boyfriend Lance is just as sexy. This is one sexy ass couple. Eva is also a member of my wifey club. So, in case you haven't figured it out, Eva and her sexy eyes, and Lance with his delicious lookin chocolate skin, can both get the business, and I'll even cook for Eva, put some meat on them bones. I'll have her calling my name after she eats my dressing, greens, mac n cheese, and chicken. Don't believe me? Just ask Mr. D. :-)

Last but not least, we have one of the most over exposed newly wed couples on the planet,

Mimi and Nick

Don't get me wrong. I love me some Mariah Carey. But the bitch has clearly lost ALL of her damn marbles. What the fuck (yes, I said what) is a Nick Cannon? True, Nick is kinda cute. But you have to be more than cute to pull Mariah effin Carey. (At least I thought you did.) Not to mention Nick's dick supposedly has a longer track record than Whitney Houston's arms (low blow, I know, and I don't give a damn). I am definitely not down for fucking a dude whose dick I have to sterilize with acid first. So, Nick, hell to da no, and Mariah maybe, if I could get past the crazy. That is all, heffas.

I'd Give Da Business To...

The other day, I realized that as a grown woman I really don't have celebrity crushes anymore. However, there are a few I'd give da business to. With that being said, today I'd like to share with you 3 celebrity couples I might give da business to.

Rih Rih and C Breezy

I absolutely LOVE Rih Rih, always have. I'm going to go along the line of my girl F.U. and claim Rih Rih as my wife. I am not a stan of Chris', though, but I would give them both da business.

Seal and Heidi

No and no. I don't care if you can blow a note so good you make me nut on the spot, I can not get past the face. I know it's because of a bout with lupus and I still don't give a damn. More power to you Heidi. If he could make me nut from a note, I would let him sing to me, change my draws, and then be on my damn way. Now you, Heidi. After seeing you topless on your yacht, while your son is RIGHT THERE, umm, no, boo boo, I'll pass on you too.

My last celeb couple for the day is Jay and Bey.

Now, me and Bey haven't really been cool since she stole Dangerously In Love from DC and erased all the background vocals to make it seem like she was the only one on the track and then put it on her debut album so people think it was hers all along (don't believe me? go look it up), but I have to admit Bey is kinda thick. So, yeah, Bey could get the business; you just can't be my wifey. Your husband, on the other hand, uh, no. I don't fuck other species. His lips, however, do get an honorable mention. I bet you ol' Camel don't even have to use tongue on you. He can make you cum just by brushing your cooter with his lips. That's why his ugly ass has had Bey on lock since waaaaay back, and the ONLY reason a black woman would allow her husband to walk around with no wedding band, still pretending his ass is single. So, to recap, Bey is thick and could get da business, and Jay is fugly, but his lips could get the business. Later, heffas.