Get The Hell Outta Here!

I'm not sure how many of ya'll out there have heard about the hickness that is Southern Maryland. Let's just say this place is hick country.

Anyway, look at this bullshit :

At approximately 1:30 a.m. on Sunday, March 8, units from Bay District Fire Department and Lexington Park Rescue Squad responded to a call for a woman bleeding in Lexington Park.

A man told authorities that he had placed a sex toy on a saber saw blade and that the blade had sawed through the plastic and severely wounded the woman. Trooper 7 transported the woman to PG Hospital. The case remains under investigation at this time. No word on the condition of the woman at this time.

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Get the fuck outta here! What the hell was going through her mind?! There is no way in HELL I would have allowed that shyt! They do make toys you can plug in the wall that WON'T CUT YOU, YOU STUPID BITCH! I swear, sometimes people deserve the shyt that happens to them. Just in case ya'll aren't tool savvy (I damn sure am not), I googled the saw and found this picture:

Now that I think about it, I hope they charge his dumb ass. Her, too. I am too through with this damn city. I'm moving back home damnit! Fucking retards.

One of my favorite comedians, Bill Engvall has a bit where he talks about stupid people and one where he talks about warning labels on products. I'm pretty sure the makers of power saws never thought they would see the day where they would have to add: WARNING. DO NOT USE ON/IN GENITALS to their damn product!

Bill also says stupid people should wear a sign that says I'm Stupid so the rest of the world knows they're stupid and therefore avoid stupid shyt like this!

Here's your sign, dumbass

This Is Just Wrong

This shyt is wrong. I really hate it when kids are betrayed by people they should be able to trust, like caregivers. I bet that bus driver would go ballistic if someone did this to her kids. And the fact that it was covered up for so long... If I was his mother, I would kick someone's ass and then sue.

What In The Hell?

I'm starting to believe I have no fashion sense. I mean, that HAS to be the case because I can not get down with these shoes. No and no.

Oh, and I snatched these from Baller Alert. I was so blown away by the sheer fuckery of it all, I don't remember any of the details. First of all, this shyt looks like it hurts like hell, and second, why in the hell would I pay goo gobs of money to walk around with my feet touching the dirty ass ground?! The first celeb I see rocking these, I swear to g_d, I will fly to Hollywood and whoop their natural white ass! (you know it's gonna be a white girl, lol)

Actually, you know what? I think I can see Zoe Kravitz attempt to rock these. Zoe, I dare you. I dare you! I will be behind you kicking you in the ass so fast, you won't know what the fuck hit you!!!

What In The Hell?

Omg, I can't stop laughing, even though I know deep down this has got to SUCK! (Well, aint no sucking going on anymore! Hahahahaha!)

Ok, so this guy goes to the doctor to have a circumcision. When he wakes up, HIS ENTIRE PENIS IS GONE! The doctor found cancer and amputated the whole thing. So Mr. Philip Seaton is suing him because he "has suffered mental anguish, pain, and has lost the enjoyment of life." Uh, you think?

I am dying to know his exact train of thought. As he's coming out of the anesthesia, is he thinking, 'It's so cold in here my sausage has shriveled right up. Wait a minute. It's not that damn cold! Where the hell is my dick!' Did the doctor take just the dick and leave the balls? I mean, what in the hell? I knew men could get testicular cancer, but I've never heard of cancer of the penis. I feel sorry for the dude, but I just can't stop laughing! Maybe it's cuz I'm a woman, and can't comprehend the loss of a penis. If I was his wife, though, I'd be mad as hell!

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What In The Hell?

I recently found a new blog totally devoted to clowning people who go out dressed like idiots and I love it. You Know You Dead Azz Wrong! has me laughing so damn hard my co-workers think I'm insane. But, it has brought something to my attention I can no longer ignore. Since when did it become ok to go to the club in body paint/ liquid latex??? I'm not sure which one it is, but what the hell man?!





















I swear to God if I see one more heffa with a painted on shirt, Ima personally fly to their city and WHOOP THEY ASS! Bitch, this shyt is not cute! And you on the left, you didn't have to paint "HO" on yourself; trust me, boo boo, I bet they already knew. And if they didn't know, it was more than apparent when yo ass sat down in da corner and let some dude paint a shirt on you! I'm too through. I suggest we all band together to form Da Ho Patrol. Basically, we patrol the world to let bitches like this know, Sit Yo Ass Down, Ho! Who's with me?

What In The Hell?

People now-a-days are fucking crazy. Did ya'll hear about the principal who made his students look into a bag of human feces and urine? That is fucking disgusting. He said he was trying to prove a point because someone had been pissin and shittin on the floor and seats in the girl's bathroom. Now see, I can understand him being mad, I can understand the janitor being mad, too. That is some nasty and trifling shit. But he went too damn far. Everytime I read about some school official doing something crazy like this, it makes me wanna home school my kids, when I have them, of course. This is too nasty for words. Ewwwwww!

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In The Name Of Lil Mama... What The Hell???

I finally have a reason to use the phrase I picked up from F.U.! In the name of Lil Mama, why in the hell did Fatman Scoop take his ass to the VMA's dressed like this?

Seriously, dude, what the hell were you thinking posing on the red carpet dressed like this? And your wife gets a slap for letting you out the house. I'm too through.

What In The Hell?

I am totally convinced people have gone insane. An upstate NY woman pleaded guilty to stashing a sawed off shotgun in her baby's stroller. Really, lady? She was arrested when she got into on the street with some other woman. She told police her aunt was holding the baby at the time of the altercation. But at some point the baby was in the stroller with a SHOTGUN. Lady, what in the hell? Was it really that freaking serious? What the hell is wrong with you, putting your a gun in the stroller with your baby. SMDH.


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What In The Hell?

I don't even know where to start on this one. Those Republicans must really think people are fucking stupid. I mean really, did McCain even interview this bitch he plucked out of thin air? First, they say Sarah Palin's daughter is the real mother of her Palin's infant child. Then they say the 17-year-old is pregnant, but is going to marry the 18-year-old father. And on top of that, she's pulling a Dirty KK and pressured the police commissioner to fire her ex brother-in-law. Now, I understand everyone has problems in their families, but is this something McCain really wants to address on the campaign trail? I wanna know what his screening process was. Apparently, they had only spoken once before he called her and offered her the VP nomination, and both of those conversations were extremely short. Is that all it takes to be second-in-command of this country. If it is, watch out heffas, Ima put my name on somebody's ticket. Everybody write me in on the ticket in November. Vice President P!

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**UPDATE**

Ok, I know Barack did the noble thing and said kids should be off limit when it comes to discussing the election, but wtf? You HAVE to go over to Bossip to look at the pics of Sarah Palin's 17-year-old drinking her ass off. I know I should be the last person to talk about being a wild ass teenager (I did my share of dirt, lol), but I co-sign with Bossip. When yo mama is a politician, the freaking GOVERNOR of a state, you should know better than to take pictures like this. I predict Palin declining the nomination. Dude, just look at the pictures.

What In The Hell?

This is why parents need to spank their damn kids.

A 12-year-old boy took his grandmother's car and led police on a chase at speeds
up to 60 mph before swerving to avoid spikes in the road and crashing into a
fence, police said.

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Do ya'll remember the 7-year-old in Florida who stole his grandmother's SUV and went joy-riding and thought that shyt was funny? I don't know what's wrong with parents now-a-days. Mr. D and I were watching Super Nanny the other day and this father was like, "Well, you can't spank your kids anymore or you'll get arrested, so what do you do?" You beat their asses, that's what you do! If I push a baby out of my cooch, I officially have the right to knock the taste out of my kid's mouth, I don't give a damn what anybody says. There was this one Italian family on Super Nanny, and the father took his 5 kids bowling. His son, he was 6, I think, throws a fit and starts screaming at his dad, "I'm gonna kill you!" about 3 times! The dad just held him, and then they all went home. And then the little bastard was playing his PlayStation! Aw hell no! Mr. Mob Boss, are you fucking for real? Get da fuck oudda here! I remember this one time, in band camp... just kidding. For real, one time, I was 4 and my brother was 2 and we were on the L with my mama and we had just come from shopping. Well, my little brother wanted his toy, but she said no. So he decided to take a cue from da white boy he saw acting a fool earlier and threw his ass down on the train and started kicking and screaming. My mother, very calmly, commenced to beating his ass right there on the train, downtown Chicago. Nobody said a damn thing. Why should they? She was doing what she was supposed to. And my brother never pulled some shyt like that again. I wish my brother would have told my mother he was going to kill her, let alone in public, let alone on national television! Super Nanny would have had to call 911 cuz my brother would have been DEAD. Then again, aint no way in hell we would be on Super Nanny anyway, cuz my mama didn't play that bullshyt.

My point? Parents, please start spanking your kids again. The only reason your kids act like Chucky, Freddy Krueger, and Jason, as Madea would say, is because YOU WON"T DISCIPLINE THEM. Now, I know the late Bernie Mac never got a chance to open that day care center, but if you need to, send them to my house, and me and Mr. D will gladly beat the hell out of your kids, free of charge. This has been a public service announcement by Miss P.

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By the way, how many of you think when the cameras go out and the parents aren't looking, Super Nanny beats the hell out of those kids? I do, cuz I would. How else does she tame those extra bad kids in 1 week? Oh, and did ya'll see the one where the 10, 6, and 4 year old slept with mom, so mom and dad hadn't slept in the same bed in 8 years? How in the hell do they have a 6 and 4 year old then? I'm too through.

What In The Hell?

Please, please, PLEASE let this store be false! I don't know who the fuck this dude is, I don't follow football, but he's a wide receiver for the Jacksonville Jaguars. Dennis Northcutt has been accused of getting his cousin to beat his girlfriend's ass when she was 4 months pregnant. His sport agent is saying it's just a shakedown. I hope to God it is. I can't stand trifling men who hit women, and to make it even worse, she was PREGNANT, and he knew it! If he did it, this bastard deserves to get his legs broken, for real for real.

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New Award!

I don't know if this is more of a what in the hell? moment or a dumbass award moment, so I will combine the two. The first ever What In The Hell, You Dumbass award goes to Rubel Sheikh who was eaten by a crocodile he was trying to get a blessing from. Now, I'm not trying to walk all over other people's customs, but don't people in Bangladesh know wild crocodiles eat people??? I mean, really, if your ass is performing a ritual that involves bathing in a pond full of crocodiles, isn't it really the croc who's getting a blessing of a bunch of dumbasses for lunch?


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What In The Hell?

What kind of bullshyt is this? In Israel, a woman had her pregnancy aborted by her doctors due to internal bleeding. The baby was pronounced stillborn and placed in one of the hospital's refrigerated storage units. 6 hours later, as the family is taking the body to be buried, the baby moves and grabs the grandmother's finger. The family is ecstatic, of course, and they're calling it a miracle. Am I the only one who is pissed off? You told me my baby was dead, put her in a freezer, and suddenly she's alive? Aw hell to da no. Somebody fucked up. Yes, I am grateful my baby is alive, but 6 fucking hours in a fridge? Maybe it's just me, but I would have torn that hospital apart.

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